“We’re all just walking each other home.”
-Ram Dass
Hello! I’m so honored to be able to introduce myself to you. I’m Elizabeth, and I have been serving as a peer support person for the Chaplaincy Department at a local Placer County mosque since 2021. During this time I have had the honor of working with several people at the end of their lives and I fell in love with this work. In 2022 I learned about end-of-life doulas and the work that they do, and I had planned to begin my doula training in 2023, but life had other plans for me.
I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, a blood cancer, when I was 46 years old. When I learned I had cancer, I was truly stunned. Not only had I not been sick, I had been feeling better than ever. I had hiked to the top of Mt. Scott in Oregon a few months earlier and I had been feeling strong. How could I have cancer? Also, what about my plans? I had plans to travel overseas, I had recently promoted at work…there was so much I wasn’t going to be able to do, and the disappointment of that was crushing – and I was angry.
What I have learned through my cancer journey is that sometimes the ones we love and depend on are not able to help us when we are facing a life-threatening situation. Either because their own grief and fear is too overwhelming or for other reasons, they may dedicate themselves to dealing with more practical matters to keep themselves busy, or try to keep their mind off of things. During my treatment, many friends and acquaintances insisted on dropping off food, tea, and other items for me, which of course was appreciated, however what I really wanted was someone to sit down and talk to me about my diagnosis, and listen to how I felt about it. The people who took the time to do that for me made the most impact toward my mental, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing during that time. My favorite response from a friend upon learning I was sick was, “Wow, this really sucks.” 🙂 Just to embrace the reality of the situation without trying to tell me things would get better meant so much.
I also learned that people feel the need to ‘fix’ unfortunate situations. When I shared my diagnosis with people, I was barraged with unsolicited advice about eating blueberries, drinking wheatgrass, and other ‘cures’. Certain family members judged my decision to seek traditional treatment like chemotherapy and radiation. People from my religious community told to pray more, ask God for forgiveness, and to examine my life for any sins I was committing that could be the ’cause’ of my illness. Colleagues at work offered to take over my projects. It was really frustrating at the time to have my illness, treatment choices, and general health judged and invalidated, however looking back I can see that people were scared, or uncomfortable, and they offered these ‘fixes’ not so much as a way to make me feel better, but to soothe themselves. And quite frankly, it is easy to have compassion for them because I have done the same thing many times.
If you’re reading this, chances are you have recently received information about your life expectancy that has prompted you to reach out for support. I am so grateful to be here with you now. Once you have read more about EOLD care and if an EOLD is right for you, I encourage you to book a free consultation with me to discuss your needs and how I may be able to support you during this time.
About my training: In addition to my ongoing peer support work and volunteer commitment at Snowline Hospice, I have completed the 40-hour End-of-Life Doula Training through the International End-of-life Doula Association (INELDA) and I am working toward certification. Regarding certification, as of 2024 there is no licensing or certification body for end-of-life doulas either nationally or in California, however certification through INELDA involves comprehensive criteria including completed field hours, case review with assigned certification coach, journaling, case presentations, assessment, and a panel interview. My goal is to complete certification in 2025. For more on INELDA, please visit their website.
Some fun facts about me: I’m a huge dog lover (but I also speak meow), I’m a Trekkie/Sci-Fi geek, mother to 2 amazing grown daughters and I love to travel, both internationally and inside the great U.S.A. I’m a national parks enthusiast (hope to visit them all!) and enjoy snowshoeing as well. I also love all-things cooking and baking.
Finally, a note about religion: Although I am Muslim, my doula work is completely interfaith. My job as an EOLD is to support your religious and spiritual practices, if any, and not to exert any of my own religious beliefs. I welcome the opportunity to work with anyone, from any background, who needs end-of-life doula care as I believe it is something we all should have access to.